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Volume 38 Issue 02 | America's Finest News Source | 23 January 2002 |
Features
What Do You Think? American Taliban
Infographic Ford's $5 Billion Loss
This Week's Horoscopes
News
Procter & Gamble Introduces Home Menstruation Test
New Michael Landon Biography Resolves Many Unasked Questions
Clock In Basement Still One Hour Ahead
Orphan Can't Take A Joke
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26 September 2001
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|  | News In Brief Confused Marines Capture Al-Jazeera Leader DOHA, QATAR— In a daring effort to dismantle the vast Arab network, a company of confused Marines raided Al-Jazeera headquarters Monday and captured leader Mohammed Abouzeid. "Al-Jazeera has ties to virtually every country in the Arab world, and this guy was the key to their whole operation," Lt. Warren Withers said. "Nothing went through the Al-Jazeera communications array without his go-ahead." Pentagon officials praised the soldiers for their "courageous and swift action," but noted they would have preferred that the Marines captured someone hostile to the U.S. instead. Enron Executives Blamed For Missing Employee Donut Fund HOUSTON— The Enron Corp. scandal widened Monday, when The Houston Chronicle reported that top company executives stole nearly $10 from the employee donut fund sometime between June and August of last year. "There should be at least $9.25 in the coffee can next to the filters," said Laurie Baker, a recently laid-off Enron employee. "I personally put $2.50 into that fund, and now it's gone." Enron CEO Kenneth Lay is already under grand-jury subpoena regarding $45 in Chinese-food-delivery allocations that mysteriously vanished on Nov. 17, 2001. Consumer Reports Rates Self 'Excellent' NEW YORK—Consumer Reports magazine earned a rating of "excellent" in its special "Consumer Advocacy Magazines" issue, which hit newsstands Tuesday. "From our exhaustive, unbiased appraisals of all types of consumer products to our clear, concise writing style, Consumer Reports is once again the undisputed winner," the article read. "For the latest in consumer information and product-safety recalls, look no further than us." Receptionist Takes Leave Of Absence Citing Dehydration, Exhaustion QUINCY, IL— Citing "dehydration and exhaustion," a spokesperson for Andrea Conklin announced Monday that the Quincy dental receptionist will take an extended leave of absence. "The stress and strain of answering Dr. Taubman's phones all day long has finally taken its toll on Ms. Conklin," spokesman Chris Vinocur said. "Andrea is now in the care of her personal physician, who has recommended that she take two months off to regain her strength." Vinocur denied rumors in last week's National Enquirer that Conklin had checked into a drug-rehabilitation facility. Howie Long Expresses Desire To Direct Radio Shack Spots LOS ANGELES— Pondering his next career move, Radio Shack pitchman and former NFL defensive end Howie Long told reporters Monday that he is interested in directing an upcoming installment of the series of commercials in which he playfully endorses high-tech gadgets with actress Teri Hatcher. "I've given it a lot of thought, and I think I'm ready to get behind the camera," Long said. "I've done the acting thing for a while now, and I just feel like it's time for a new challenge." Long said he could bring the kind of experience and insight to directing the commercials that only comes from having spent countless hours on the set. |  | Top Story Developmentally Disabled Senator Wants To Be Treated Like Any Other Lawmaker
WASHINGTON, DC— When he was elected to the U.S. Senate in November 2000, Sen. Freddy Rigby (D-NE) knew he had a tough road ahead of him. Developmentally disabled since birth, Rigby's controversial election provoked reactions ranging from misty-eyed admiration to outrage. But to supporters and detractors alike, this very special senator makes one simple request: to be treated just like any other lawmaker. Full Text » In The News Antique Dealer Sick Of Appraising Smurf Collections Weekend With Boyfriend's Parents Explains A Lot Peace Activist Has To Admit Barrett .50 Caliber Sniper Rifle Is Pretty Cool Editorial Homeless People Shouldn't Make You Feel Sad Like That Who Do I Have To Blow To Win The Bancroft Prize In American History?
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